How To Mentor A Man To Be A Good Husband

The pressure in today's society to stay ahead of the game—in work and play—leaves little room to build or maintain good marriages. In fact, rumor has it that one in every two marriages end in divorce.

Whatever the number, a quick look at a divorce court's docket will have you wondering if getting married is even worth it. But I'm here to tell you that yes, indeed, marriage is worth it—with the right person. The problem isn't in the getting married, the problem is in the staying together through difficult times, through times when you grow tired or bored of your spouse, or when you hit a personal crisis that you don't know how to share with your significant other.


It is my humble opinion, that the divorce rate will not drop until men with good marriages step up and mentor husbands with struggling marriages. It's not enough for women to be mentored, men need it, too. If you're a man with a good marriage, and you see a marriage that is hurting, step out of your comfort zone and lend a helping hand. All it takes is fifteen minutes a day, one hour a week, or one day a month, for a set period of time.

1. Develop A Schedule The key to guiding and nurturing another husband is to make a plan and stick with it.
You don't have to be on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but you do need to be available. You need to let your mentoree know that you will hold him accountable for both his words and his actions.

2. Be An Example When mentoring other husbands, it's important to "walk the walk" and "talk the talk".
In other words, you need to live by example. If you tell another man that it's important to treat his wife with respect, then you must also treat your wife with respect. That means speaking highly of her in front of others, avoiding negative talk about the things that drive you crazy, choosing to take out the garbage even when you've arrived home late from work and would rather plop down in front of the television to unwind, and taking the time to romance your wife, even when the budget is tight. Your mentoree need to see how good marriages work first hand in order to learn how to do it properly himself. If he see your wife respecting you because of how you treat her, then he will be more inclined to follow suit.

3. Share Personal Experiences Your mentoree needs you need to show him that you understand how difficult marriage can be and how much work it can be.
But he also needs you to show him how wonderful it can be. Go ahead and show him that you've been there, and that you know of which you speak. Share lessons you've learned throughout your marriage without giving away too much personal information. Give personal accounts, but do it without breaking the trust of your wife. Share generalizations of when you fought over something trivial, when you went through personal hardships, when your marriage was struggling to succeed. Then share how your marriage has blossomed: share the things you've done to improve your marriage and the things your spouse has done. Remember, lessons don't always have to come in the form of a negative.

4. Actively Listen Teach your mentoree how to listen to his wife and show genuine interest in the things she says, even if he may have absolutely no interest in that particular topic.
Show your mentoree how to be a good listener by actively listening to him. Show him that being an active listener is about engaging in the conversation, turning off or putting away distractions, and keeping his eyes directed on the other person.

5. Encourage Change Be honest and real with your mentoree. If you notice that a different way of handling a situation or speaking to a spouse may result in better results, encourage your mentoree to try a new approach.
Don't allow him to get stuck in the "that's the way I've always been" or "that's the way my father was" or "that's just how society is" excuse trap. Show him how his excuses are actually hurting the marriage, and how making difficult or time-consuming changes can actually improve the marriage.

Ultimately, all you can do is lead the way. It is up to the husband you mentor to decide what type of marriage he wants. Offer directions, then let him choose his path.